Things you don't say to single people. (Atleast not this single person)

In my 31 years of being single I have had some really stupid things said to me.  I know most people mean well and I really don't want to offend anyone.  A lot of times the people trying to give advice haven't been in my situation so they really don't understand what they are saying.  Maybe this will help someone think before they speak.

1.  Well you're just being too picky.   This comment is wrong on so many levels.  Hell yes I am being picky!  I plan to be with him for eternity so I am going to like him.  Lowering my standards just to be married.........not an option.  There are things worse than being single.  From the words of a former stake president of mine (who is now an area authority) "You can be a lot happier single than married to the wrong person."  I will stay single before I am going to marry someone who abuses me or has any other number of issues some men have nowadays.  If you think I am choosing not to date someone because his ears are too big then you don't know me well enough to make this comment.  I don't turn down blind dates.  Guys that are divorced, have children and that are younger than me are not deal breakers.  At my little brother's wedding someone said to me, "you would be married to if you didn't expect him to be perfect."  That person had no idea what my dating life has been like.  I have found several men I would have happily married but they chose not to be with me (which in the long run was a blessing). Don't say things like that to people, especially if you have no idea what their relationships have been like. 
2.  He just needs a good girl.  You know what? I am a good girl and I have tried hard my whole life to be a good girl. I want an equal not a project.   I do not want to date someone to try to help them change.  Nobody is going to change unless they really want to.  Why don't I deserve someone that is already a good person?  I realize that everyone has their struggles and I am far from perfect but I just don't want to be set up with someone because I could "help" them become active in the church again (or whatever the case my be).   It reminds me of a time when a woman wanted to set me up with her son who had recently gotten out of prison.  The reason he was in prison you ask.....attempted rape of his mother!  I just wanted to climb in her brain for a second and see what made her think it was okay to set me up with him. 
3. I know a single guy.  He's single and your single.  Really?  That is not enough in common.  I really don't turn down many blind dates but I would like there to be more reason than that for you to set me up.  I have had some really bad blind dates and it make me wonder what the person setting me up thinks about me. Oh well, good stories for later.  
4. You're sick of dating? That how I got right before I met my spouse.  Well thank you but the first time I remember hearing that was probably seven years ago and I have been sick of dating this whole time.  This one also goes along with if you chop off your hair, buy a new car, get called to be the RS pres of your singles ward or finding him when you least expect it.  I've chopped off my hair five times since I got out of beauty school.  I have bought three new cars.  I was the RS president 8 years ago, and how do you least expect it in a church where family is so important and people are constantly asking you if you are dating someone?  Which brings me to....
5. Are you dating anyone? I don't hate this question as much as some of the others but it kind of depends on who it comes from.  If you don't know me that well, don't ask me that.  If you are just trying to get some gossip, don't ask me that.  If you are someone that I  know cares about me and is good at listening to my dating woes then it is okay.  Besides, if I was dating someone and wanted you to know, I would tell you. 
6.  Have you tried online?  Wow!  I have never thought of that.  I am so glad you brought that to my mind. (read that again with a very sarcastic voice because that is how I wrote it)  No I haven't tried online.  I know it works for some people but I have heard way more horror stories than good ones.  Here is a quote from Dallin H Oaks of the quorum of the twelve apostles:  "My single brothers and sisters, follow the simple dating pattern and you don’t need to do your looking through Internet chat rooms or dating services—two alternatives that can be very dangerous or at least unnecessary or ineffective."
7. If it doesn't happen in this life.... I know people say this to comfort but all I think about is....Well if I live until I am 90 I have 60 more years to be alone.  You really think that is comforting?  This one kind of goes with....Well look at Sheri Dew.  Sheri Dew is an amazing lady but I have no desire to be her.  In fact she came to town and spoke to the Relief Society women of this area and she is not happy about being single either.  I don't know that I would be able to have as good of an attitude as she does if I stay single that long.  I am not as strong as her.
8. So and so isn't married either.  When this is said to me I think two things.  One is that there are obvious reasons why that person in not married and you just compared me to them.  Or I think.......she is a beautiful, amazing person, if she can't get married what makes me think I can.  I do like hearing about the people who got married in their 30's or older.  That makes me feel like there is still hope.

I have been writing this blog post in my head for months now and I knew I had to get it out.  Like I said before, I know people mean well and I don't want to offend anyone.  I just thought I would give you a glimpse into my head when certain things are said to me.

The More Boys I Meet

Some recent events have made me think about some of my dating experiences and I decided I wanted to share some thoughts.  The recent event.......the boy I spent a little time with last summer got arrested several weeks ago.  Let me just state that I was not in a relationship with him (although he sometimes called it that).  I think I was bored last summer and he was showing interest.  I never really liked him, therefore I said whatever I wanted to him and was actually quite sassy to him.  It was fun and I think he thought I was flirting but really I was just being honest.  For example: He asked one day what made us attracted to each other.  I replied, "I never said I was attracted to you."  Snotty huh?  It was fun though.  Part of it was he was constantly looking for praise and when I can tell someone is doing that I can't give it to them.  Maybe part of it too was I feel like I have been played and it was my turn to give it back.  Poor guy, he just happened to be the one that came around right then.  It reminds me of a Carrie Underwood song.  The first verse says:
Wanna find some boy, rip his heart right out
First Man I see, gonna take him down
It ain't the Christian thing to do they say
But someone somewhere's gotta pay
Chorus: If it wasn't for guys like you there wouldn't be songs like this,
And if you hadn't gone and done me wrong I wouldn't go off like this,
Even I'm surprised how easy sweet revenge rolls off my lips, and if it wasn't
for guys like you there wouldn't be songs like this.

I think I really felt that way.  It is kind of scary how much I enjoy "angry girl music" as I like to call it.  Anyway back to the arrest.  I might be going to Hell for as much as I enjoyed the fact that this boy got arrested.  I do feel bad that he is such a mess though.  I don't know the details but it was domestic violence against his roommate and the roommate received a broken jaw.  That is all I know.  I could tell he had a temper but luckily I only saw a glimpse of it the night I told him for the fourth time that we were done hanging out.  I have told people about him getting arrested and the comment I get is "Well it is good you didn't get to involved with him."  My response "Yes, and people accuse me of being to picky."  Well people, maybe you should trust my judgement. 
It has caused me to reflect on some other boys I have gone on dates with and gotten bad mouthed for not giving them more of a chance.  I thought of two other examples.
When I was 26 I went on a date with a man who was 37.  Number one the age difference was a little much for me.  Number two, I was not attracted to him at all and I just didn't feel like we were on the same page.  However, he wanted to take me out again but I politely turned him down so that I didn't waste either of our time.  Someone said to me that he seemed like a nice guy and I wasn't giving him a fair chance.  I wasn't interested at all.  What more is there.  There has to be a little desire to want to give them a second date. Well he ended up dating someone I knew for a little while.  One of the problems, he wasn't active in the church and didn't want to be.  She wanted to get married in the temple.  Hmmm, looks like my judgement was okay on that one.
Second example.  I got set up with a guy who I went on four dates with.  He seemed like a pretty good guy.  He was even nice looking.  By the third date I wasn't feeling it.  I couldn't explain why.  When I ended things with him the person who set us up gave me a hard time about it.  Later I met the former roommates of the boy I had been set up with.  They had lived with him when he had gone out with me.  They told me that when he came home from the first date with me he said "I think I found her!"  Flattering, but we were not on the same page, maybe not even in the same book.  Then the former roommates asked me if I had kissed him.  I told them no (which was the truth).  They said, "Really?!  He told us that you two made out all the time."  Wow, lies.  I am pretty sure I would have remembered that.  Then they proceeded to tell me that he told them I would call him fifty times a day and he just had to ignore most of those calls because he didn't have time to talk to me that much.  The only time I ever called him was to return his calls I had ignored.  Once again, it looks like my judgement was intact.
So after dealing with a liar, criminal and someone one who was inactive (not to mention some of the others), another Carrie Underwood song comes to mind:
It's not like I'm not trying, I'll give anyone a shot once
So I close my eyes, and kiss that frog
Each time finding, the more boys I meet
The more I love my dog!